Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Today, The Crap Was Beaten Out Of Me

None of you take the title too seriously. We all know I've had my issues, but I swear...
that DID NOT happen. It did however, happen in a different way.

Today I went for a massage. Apparently most people go for a nice relaxing time. I choose to 
go to get the shit beat out of me. I like to think I'm heading in there to have this relaxing time, 
but what ends up happening is that the massage hurts so bad I do everything but relax. 

I talk the entire time. Is that annoying for you massage therapists out there? It's that or you'd 
have to hear me moan and groan in pain. I know I wouldn't want that god-awful noise 
going on if I was in the other room, so I choose to chat. The. Entire. Time. I also 
cringe because I have balls of muscle that are so tight. The faces I make are
probably horendous. Sorry ahead of time to all you therapists. And of
course, I try to scoot further and further away from all that pressure 
you put on those painful spots. Again, sorry for hopping 
off the table. I guess it just 'hurts so good.'

Of course, the therapist immediately finds out that I still haven't stretched since the last time 
he saw me 4 months ago! It is not something I can lie and get away with. They figure it 
out, they aren't stupid. It is what they went to school for, Cori. WTF is wrong with me? 
How can I not going to massages more regularly and stretch? Someone tell me.

I like to think I'm healthy. Ya know...I eat clean, exercise, shower regularly, get some good 
sleep here and there, go to doctors appointments, etc. But what I suck at is stretching the 
muscles that are, no joke, killing me. I ache all day, every day usually. Headaches, you 
bet. Tight back, always. I'm absolutely being the worst patient ever. Can I pay 
someone to come stretch me out every day? Anyone? Any takers?

No takers. Ok fine. I guess I'll continue to have the therapist beat the crap out of my extremely 
tight muscles until I finally can stretch to touch my toes. I'm looking forward to that day. That 
is, when I can touch my toes easily and maybe even tip my head side to side without feeling 
like my muscles and tendons are going to snap if they're pushed that much further. 

Until then, I'll keep searching around for a good therapist. If you love your therapist, holler 
at your girl here...and forewarn your therapist that a big ball of tight mess is coming 
their way. That's all my venting I have for now. Maybe I'll go stretch...maybe.

Happy Wednesday!