The Who, The What, The Why, The When + A Few Photos Along The Way

There's a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But what we have, we'll try to respond to. Trust us, there are a lot of similar questions, some odd questions we've been asked (not shared on here today), and plenty of those non-filtered/almost offensive questions (although they don't mean to be). We'll start with the "why" and work our way onward...as always, feel free to comment or send a message if you have any further questions we can answer about our journey!

The WHY?

-Why are you adopting?-

*back in 2008, Ty and I began our relationship. I took off, headed to South Africa, and had an experience that I'd say was one of the most amazing things in my life. The culture, the people, the children...they all touched me, they all moved me. I was called to South Africa for what I thought was for one reason, but the Lord placed something else on my heart and knew He'd call me back for an entirely different reason. I remember coming back and telling Ty that whether I was a single woman one day or eventually married, I would be going back...and this time going back to adopt a child. 

The calling was there, the timing was unknown. So as our relationship went on, Ty signed up for not just me but one day, a little South African we would call our child. There was no doubt in his mind from then on that it was our calling, that there was a child out there for us, and one day we would give a child with no parents, parents for life, a home, and all the love they could ever hope for.

-Why are you adopting before having your own children?-

*there are layers of answers to this question but we'll tap into them briefly. We have the take that because we have no children now, why not let the adopted child be the first child, be the one that began a child-filled home, to come into a family with no expectations, and to be the eldest child we'd hope lead by example to the younger ones. He/she would not have to try to fit in with other children and not have to overcome an already made Stanley family.

Secondly, Ty and I have not just the approvals from both of our employers to be gone for 6 weeks overseas, but we have the timed saved up to do so plus the ability to use extended illness time and FMLA if need be. Because we have to have two family members in country at all times, neither of us would have the issue of having to return to our jobs nor would we have to return because of other children in our home. Otherwise, we would be paying for other family members to fly back and forth to be the second family member in country.

Thirdly, why not do it now when we have the time to devote to this child, especially in regards to any specific needs he/she may have.

-Why would you even adopt?-

*there are a few questions I would love to have a few words in response, but I don't. This question use to bother me, probably because I couldn't figure out why someone would even ask that. Then I realized that we all don't have the same views in life and that we all are here in the world to do certain things. That's obviously not their calling. So I take no offense to it anymore and explain our story, our calling, our desires. If you skipped the first "why" go ahead and go back to read it.

-Why would you bring a child out of their culture?-

*when I was in SA they did not participate in international adoptions. The child was one day eventually released on their own, if they were fortunate enough they were adopted within the country, and others died related to an illness untreated or from HIV/AIDS. It wasn't until 1-2 years later that they began the international adoption process.
I remember many of the women in the orphanages tell me that the did not participate in international adoptions because the child would then be taken away from their culture, their heritage, their background. As much as I understood that, I also questioned "how much of their culture do they even know living in an orphanage that may or may not even be run by a South African?" So our take on this question is that there can be children all over the world living in orphanages or growing up in foster care that only has so much time for this child, that may not be consistent, that may not have all the love that they can provide, and that may not be able to supply some of the basic needs for the child. And we find it to be more suitable for a child to be adopted into a family who will provide all their needs, all the love, all the resources, and even as much of their heritage than the alternative. We all have our take, we accept all of yours and we hope you accept ours.

The WHO?

When we initially began this process, we were in the "special needs program." In that program we had the choice of age and gender, so our hopes were to adopt a boy between the age of 1-3 (South Africa doesn't typically adopt children under the age of 1 as they prefer to find a family member to take the child before going to international adoption). With all the hiccups along the way, especially since the program had closed when we initially applied...it wasn't until we got that phone call in June that offered us a spot in the "non-special needs program." This program for the year did not allow us to choose age or gender, however, we were asked to be open to a child between the ages of 0-4 years. And as for the "non-special needs" that means we would be adopting a child with most likely malnutrition/GI issues, attachment/institutionalization issues, and possibly corrective disabilities (vision, hearing, missing limb that be fitted for a prosthetic, or require a surgery). So back to the "who"...well we just don't know. And we won't know until we receive a referral for a child!

The WHAT?

-What is the adoption process/What does the process entail?-

1. submit a non-formal application that obtains your basic information, make sure you can afford to care for a child, that you have references that could vouch for you, and that will sort out the countries you can even adopt from (each country has specific age, length of marriage, etc type of requirements). We only met the requirements for South Africa and two other countries. 

2. Submit your formal application.

3. Receive a million (maybe not a million) documents to fill out, sign, send back and forth. Obtain finger prints and background checks. Find 5 references that have known you for 4+ years and aren't family who fill out paperwork about you and your spouse. While you're waiting you do 10 hours of Hague convention training. Then you sit, wait, and pray you're not a criminal and that you pass everything!

4. Set up 4-5 home studies over the course of 1-2is months depending on schedules. Sometimes this meant Ty had to miss work and practice to be available for these long meetings. Once those are complete, pray again that you are sane enough and safe enough to care for a child.

5. Home study approval by the social worker, the Seattle office, and eventually our global worker in Michigan. Begin your next 10 hours of country specific and general adoption education hours. You must complete 10 pages of written documentation on all your hours (videos, webinars, books, support groups, etc.)

6. Submit an I-800A for the immigration process which takes 8-10 weeks. In the meantime, work on the dossier which is a giant packet filled with various items such as doctor's letters stating we are in a good state of mind and health to care for a child, legal documents such as birth and marriage certificates, government documents, home study packets, background clearances, employer letters, insurance documents, and more and more that you most likely don't even care to know. But just know that there are a lot of those fine details, all of which must be notarized on some same day occurrences so timing is a big piece of it as well.

7. Submit our dossier and wait for a referral!

8. Accept a referral, do 10 more hours of child specific training/education hours, travel to South Africa for about 6 weeks, return home for more bonding time, and participate in many more post-adoption placement meetings with our social worker to ensure everything is going well. Those occur for up to several years, then that part of the process is considered completed. But as we all know, the parenting and the child's needs will always be an ongoing process!

The WHEN?

Another unanswered question. Sorry. As much as we'd like to know all the answers to the adoption process, we never do. What we do know is that we just received word that it's time to put our dossier packet together, which will be submitted to South Africa once our immigration paperwork has been approved by the government. Once the dossier is submitted, we wait for a referral for a child! They say it can take 12-18 months after that, but with how quickly this process seems to have gone in comparison to most others in the program who knows if it will be sooner than that! After we get the referral and approval, a tentative court hearing date is set up, we arrive about a week prior, and we end up spending up to 6 weeks in the country.

That's all we've got for you now, but as I said before...if you have questions, ask and we can respond accordingly. Feel free to take a peek at some of our photos below in which we captured to follow our own journey, which we now get to share with you all!


The Welcome packet. All the details for the beginning of the application process.


Formal application: background checks, medical records, references, etc.



Snacks and papers. They go well together when you're filling them out between meals.






Sending off our references paperwork.


Hard at work trying to pass all the Hague convention modules.


Guess who's backgrounds were clear??

Prepping for the home study: getting that first aid kit together.

Warm wishes, prayers, and gifts from family for our first home study!

The beginning of many...the home study photos!

Between home studies and paperwork, lots of reading and hat making...

and more hat making...

and more education hours (on the floor apparently)

and then a little room prep because our little one needs a worldly beanie and a spot we can think of him/her daily!

Time to send in our I-800 forms...

official report (I-797C) to get our biometrics screening and finger prints again

and in the meantime, we have shirts made for gifts to family and close friends, we knit hats,

work on house projects, and find ways to stay busy until we get the next email, phone call, or paper mail!

and while we wait for the immigration paperwork, we work on our dossier...

the big mama of all paperwork packets!

Thanks for reading and keeping up with our journey!

♡The Stanleys

Dear Papa Joe...

Dear Papa Joe,

Nearly one year ago, you left this beautiful world for a far more beautiful place. A place much higher than we may ever know and a place where I hope has been one of the best seats in the house. And still, even one year later...I can't seem to write a letter to you without even starting with a few tears. I know it doesn't surprise you, I've always been the emotional one. So why not start with a few tears and end with many more.

In the last year, you've seen your wife of nearly 62 years grieve your loss, talk to you (still), and yet have peace with the Lord through it all. I can guarantee you there's not a day she doesn't think of you and perhaps is talking to you from the other room on occasion still. Actually I know that for a fact (she's told me once or twice). You will always own that woman's heart and will to her last day. That's One. True. Love. if you ever ask me! But she did find herself a little guy. His name is Nikki and is a rescue dog. That thing has been keeping Grandma busy, making sure she gets a walk in each day, and more than anything, helping her get through the nights. She is still missing you like crazy and as she says, "the nights are still so hard for me" as she speaks through her tears. I don't dream of the day I lose Ty by any means, but I dream of making it to 61+ years with him to know and understand what it is like for Grandma. Be sure you keep watching out for her from wherever you may be!

After you had passed away, Grandma had said one of the most wonderful things that truly made everything not only come together for me, but bring peace to my mind & heart and for her as well. That one thing she said..."I wanted to ask the Lord 'why?' 'why did you take Joe from me?'...then she said, "I realized I shouldn't ask that at all because he had 87 wonderful years and I had nearly 62 of those wonderful years with him. I was truly blessed to have all that time." For whatever reason, that one statement made it all ok. It brought me peace that she would be alright, even if it was a struggle to get to that point. Grandma was going to be ok, I was going to be ok, and the rest of the family would make it through as well. And as you know, we've all been doing just that. Let's just say, you built strong and we continue to live strong together as a family.

From above, you've seen your children mourn, struggle, and yet grow from the loss of their father. They've, of course, continued on with their lives over the year in all sorts of ways. But I'll tell you, there have been many moments they all have picked up the phone to call you or had wished to call you. I know as a daughter, I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to call my own Dad. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. And although they know it's their reality (that you've passed), it doesn't mean they don't have their moments. But thanks to Uncle Rob, we still have a saved voicemail from you...that voice of yours can never be forgotten. It still lingers for me here and there, maybe not as much as it once did but I'm sure happy to greet it when it returns! But to be honest, I think your kids partly miss all your calls (even if it's the calls to fix the lightbulbs, something broken in the house, or to learn a little something from you). Thanks to Grandma, she's picked up where you left off on all the phone calling...she has lost nearly every credit card at one point or another, a piece of jewelry here and there, and who knows what else (thank goodness she's found them all. I guess that's what happens when you hide them in places you forget you put them in). She's made sure to not only use her phone calls, but take up the rest of yours you left behind. Somebody had to take them on, right?

You raised your children right in teaching them to care for their mother...Uncle Rob is good at coming by and checking in with Grandma. He and my dad like to take her or meet her at church often. Aunt Sue has her over for dinners and of course sees her nearly every day since she is right across the way. Dad still does a lot of fixing around the house for her and takes her every Tuesday to see if their BiMart cards are the weekly winners. And Aunt Carrie is the best at calling and making trips to see her being so far away...in fact, she's probably the best at calling and checking in on everybody. Good thing you had 4 kids...there's lots of love and help to go around!

And your grandkids...you'd have a lot to be proud of, but of course I'm just a bit biased (probably because I'm one of them). The twins are getting closer to being adults and out of high school; your two youngest are seeing the world via basketball and in Costa Rica, Danielle graduated but is finishing up her last class to fulfill her degree, Staci is working hard as she always does in life and is happy (and happy in love I like to think too ;-)), and Steve is on his way to fulfilling his training to be a police officer in Vancouver (that means we get our own personal cop around here...or so I like to think). Curt's hard work has paid off. Nothing like a guy with perseverance...sub job after sub job, naughty kids after naughty kids. But he landed a middle school teaching job, is coaching at the CrossFit gym, and as always, lending his hand to others just as our Dad has and you did as well in various areas of life. They all are becoming quite the people in this world! I must say that I'm quite proud as one of the older cousins in the family...pretty cool to watch them all grow and become their own person in this world.

And then there's us. Marriage has been good and Lord willing, it continues to do so. We like to thank all those in the family who had strong & lengthy marriages to set good examples (let's just say you were one of them). Before you passed, we were unable to share some of our life goals, desires, and plans with you...instead, you decided to take the best seat in the house and watch as we've gone through some and continue to go through others. I have always wondered what you'd think of our next journey in life, what questions you'd ask, & what you'd be concerned about. But mostly, I'd wonder what advice you'd have for us. You were a wise man and it is something I cherished when I was to an age I could appreciate all you offered.

But something happened a few weeks ago that gave us that 'go ahead'....however, I must first explain something to those who don't know the background from last year.

**For those of you who don't know the story of the hummingbird, Papa Joe was guessing song names and artists on the music channel and/or humming songs to see if people could guess the names of them in the last few days of his life. So I began to call it his 'hum that tune' game. The morning after he died and I hadn't slept a wink, I peeked out the window and found a hummingbird flying around in my lavender bushes. I have always liked to think that it was YOU giving me the sign that you made it, that you were in a good place, and that you weren't suffering. That YOU were now humming tunes and enjoying the view from above.

(I have never been one to wear much jewelry, but I was given two things last year...one was

this hummingbird and another hiding below that I'll share another time. It's become my

everybody reminder of PJ and something I'll continue to hold close to me)

Since then, I had only seen a hummingbird once thereafter, thinking that was the last bit I'd see of Papa Joe...that was until a few weeks ago. During an important meeting about "our life" as we sat outside around the Papa Joe picnic table, here came a hummingbird that flew right by and hovered in the backyard for a short time. At that moment, I felt blessed to have the presence of that hummingbird. You or not, Ty and I like to think it was our blessing from you to go forth...to walk that journey the Lord has guided us down...to let it be one of the most amazing things we'll ever do in life. So we thank you, we thank that hummingbird, and we thank the Lord for giving us you for 87 years.

You've been missed by all, thought of always, and continue to be loved in memories and spirit.

We can't talk future plans and ask for your guidance, thoughts, and prayers...but we will ask that you watch over us as you have this last year with our life decisions and most importantly, make those quick "fly-bys" to give us the go ahead. We don't mind being blessed with your presence in any shape or form. So please, bring on the hummingbirds. We'll be waiting ;-)

Love,

Cori Lou

A Runner's View In The Couve

"A runner's view" is just generally speaking. I'm not so sure I'd call myself a "runner" anymore though. If you want me to run 10 miles with you, I'll do it. However, I'm not running 10 miles often or frequently keeping up my mileage for anything in particular. And I kinda like it that way. In fact, I think I may have out ran myself in my early 20s, put in enough training for marathons, half marathons, short races, and racing against my own time. They were good days and now, I just take them as they come. It's what happens when you get old and achy ;-)

The few things that get me out on runs these days are these...

1. my friend Laura who can easily talk me into really long runs, 

although I'm really not too hard to convince!

2. days that are not super windy or down pours. Sun, light rain, & cold days, sure. 

But the rest, nah.

3. and views such as these:

-1/2 mile north of our house, the view of St. Helens.

(which apparently looks like just a cloud here, but I was not going to wait around for a perfect photo)

-another 1/2 mile west, the view of Vancouver Lake.

-3/4 of a mile east, the view of Mt. Hood.

-about 2 miles south, the Columbia River (and another view of Mt. Hood on a clear day).

Not bad, right? Vancouver needs a little extra credit for being kinda cool, so there you have it!

Come to the Couve for a mini tour around downtown & uptown on foot and get all sorts 

of views in various directions.

And on that note, do I dare get out  for a run right now?

♥

Friday Date Memories...Taking A Peek Over The Years!

It's unbelievable how fast all of us humans grow. Obviously when we're little babes, the change is much more drastic and noticeable. Two of my favorite humans keep growing and it's so much fun watching. Casey is really into all the boy stuff...things like legos and cars, pushing and shoving people, and adventurous chapter books. Evelyn is still the pack rat, carrying her sequined doggy purse, dolls, and purses at all times. She is obsessed with long hair. In fact, she wears wigs and hair extension clips. Some match her hair, some don't, but she sure doesn't mind either way. And best news yet...she has been officially potty trained (even through the night) for a couple weeks now!

For me, these dates mean more than anything. I feel pretty blessed to be able to be around these kiddos all the time, but to have our own day together is a whole different story....They can never get too big within that week, so I get to watch every inch of growth. May it be literally their growth in size, but also in their language, their knowledge in school and in life, their personalities, and their appetites (they are always hungry for anything, especially sweets). I get to see and hear all the new things going on in their lives. Things like soccer and gymnastics, school, who "climbed high," who peed and didn't pee, who has more legos and who has cool dog purses. All the important things in life, you know?

I can't thank you two enough for the weekly dates, the weekly kid practice, the weekly adventures, all the Aunt Dori & Uncle Ty loves, and all these memories!

Photos are in order from present to past & many Friday dates were not even captured
(which is crazy to think!)...but that's what happens when you don't have a smartphone/camera
phone until the year 2014.

Check out all our dates below!

Earth, Glaze, & Fire:
plate painting with Miss Kari

Gluten Free Cake Baking & Book Reading
(also getting locked out of the house day)

what the kids picked out for Uncle Ty's "early birthday cake"

Watching big bro's soccer games...

Westmoreland Nature Park
(please note Ev's hair piece...it's either a wig or hair extensions to go out in)

"Aunt Cori, take a picture of me climbing to send to Uncle Ty"

Back deck picnic on the back deck and playing in the yard on a nice spring afternoon...

Naked sprinkler running on a hot summer day

Coffee shop dates and light reading...

a little time to ponder life as a 4 year old

More afternoon play, but this time with Uncle Ty when he has summers off!

Berry pickin' with friends

Summer strolls & refreshing treats...ice cream at Goodie's Market of course!

Hops Game & Bounce House Fun

River Time!

Can't go a year without going to the zoo. Duh!

Make believe play in the back alleys of the old Vancouver neighborhoods

More treats because they earned it...

they did all the early fall raking!

Trail walks and bike rides. Stick collecting. Rock skipping.

JJ Jump in sunglasses and wigs.

Monsters on the bed

High Tea at Mint Tea in our special upstairs corner room

with just a touch of honey/a bottle of honey...

Water Resource Center in Vancouver

(it's free!)

Surprising Uncle Ty with some Burgerville lunch!

John Deer Park...

nothing like a park that looks like a tractor for boys. It's like heaven for them!

OH boy...another park day and a drink to warm us up on a cold day!

More park play...

we love having our guests. Thanks for visiting Miss Meghan!

Library Time!

Playtime at home...because sometimes we don't have to go anywhere to have fun.

and just a reminder to all...Ev was not a fan of Uncle Ty. 

She obviously was crying before this photo was taken.

Fort building & mirror drawing with Aunt Dori's candles

Some kitchen floor story telling while we wait for cupcakes to bake

Fun with the iPad...

And a major throwback...from the early mornings I'd watch Ev before Case even would wake

and so Al could get a little extra rest. And the times before I even did more than take the

two of them out in a stroller on my own.

We have a lot of thanking to do to their parents...you guys have done very well! You make being an Aunt and Uncle way too easy for us (your parenting skills are great!). Plus we have lots of thanking for not just allowing us to take the kids every week but for your trust in knowing we will all survive an outing and bring them back to you in one piece! We love you guys for that.

We love your children to death and will until the day we die. Until then, we will keep soaking up all the days they will allow us to be around them because one day, some day, let's face it...they are going to want little to do with us ;-) Hard to believe, but we may not be as cool as we once were.
I'm already preparing myself for that day!

We love you two to the moon and back, Ev & Case.

♡Aunt Dori & Uncle Ty